


One Day At A Time

by Anonymous



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Slice of Life, Woosan, alternative universe, briefly mentioned other members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27117401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “I wish I could stay with you like this forever.”San was Wooyoung’s wish that would never come true, and Wooyoung was San’s grief that needed to be recognized.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Kudos: 15
Collections: anonymous





	1. Wooyoung ver.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t wanna spoil anything, but it is a sad fic. Please, read at your own risk. 
> 
> Forgive me for the mistakes I made, English is not my first language and I’m too tired to proofread it again.

Wooyoung woke up tiredly. Dim lights peaked through the curtains, and he could tell it was still early. Too early, in fact, to wake up. But he had no choice, his mind decided to keep him away from falling back asleep. 

He got up instead and stumbled out the bedroom. Might as well have a nice breakfast, he couldn’t get a good night’s sleep anyway. As he moved towards the kitchen, he realized the lights were already on, and a person was busy looking into the fridge. Wooyoung let out a sigh and approached to the person, giving them a hug. 

“Sannie, I didn’t know you woke up already.” Wooyoung said while nuzzling into San’s neck. San leaned back and patted his head gently, took out what he needed from the fridge and turned to the stove. 

“I was hoping to fix you something to eat before you got up. You’ve been hard on yourself lately.” He hummed while pouring a glass of water for Wooyoung. 

Wooyoung was keeping himself busy these days. He had been working extremely hard, making sure that he would almost pass out when he got back home, and yet he still had problems sleeping. Fortunately, San was always there, keeping him in check. 

Wooyoung sat down by the table and stared at San while he was trying to make breakfast. Wooyoung was definitely a better cook, and San was usually the one busy putting all the food into his mouth. There had been some incidents when San created dishes that were definitely not meant to go into anyone’s mouth after all. But in the days when San did cook while keeping things from getting too experimental, Wooyoung enjoyed it just as much as his own. 

It seemed like today was one of the better days. The appetizing smell from the kitchen started to fill up the room, and Wooyoung realized just how hungry he actually was. San grinned as he brought a warm meal up to the table and set it right in front of Wooyoung, “I did a great job, didn’t I?”

“I wouldn’t have survived it without you.” Wooyoung replied and dug in happily. Halfway through the meal he looked up right into San’s warm eyes, and blinked. Despite having several plates in front of him, there was nothing on San’s side of the table. 

“How come you’re not eating?” He pointed out. 

But San brushed it off, “I’m not particularly hungry right now. Might find something else to eat later.”

“If you said so.” Wooyoung frowned. 

“Hey, are you ready? We’ll be late.” Wooyoung put on the last button on his shirt and yelled into the house. They’d need to leave in a few minutes or else they would be late, and the others would tease them for the rest of the night. He heard San walked down the hallway, he stopped right by the bedroom door and asked, “Ready for what?”

“For the dinner with Yunho and the rest of the group, of course. Didn’t he tell us, like, three days ago?” Wooyoung grabbed his jacket, he turned around and saw that San was still in his pajamas with confusion on his face. 

“I never got the message.” San frowned, “And I already planned to do some work tonight.”

Wooyoung made a face, “Really? I was sure that Yunho sent it through the group chat. Even Hongjoong hyung is coming this time.”  
“Hongjoong hyung is coming? I haven’t seen him for ages!” San bit his lips, and Wooyoung could see he was debating whether he should abandon his work or not, even though if he did, he would regret it later on. 

“You still see him almost every weekend.” Wooyoung walked over and gave him a quick peck on his cheek, “You’ll just miss a dinner.”

“You’re right. I still wish I could go though. It sounds like everyone else is going.” San pouted. He gently ran his fingers down Wooyoung’s shirt, making sure it was nice and smooth, “Tell them I said hi.”

“Of course.” He gave San a hug and headed out. 

“So, how have you been doing?” Yunho asked directly as they were waiting for their food to be served. Yeosang threw a few glances carefully at their direction but didn’t say anything. On the other hand, Mingi looked quite uncomfortable. He looked around several times, checking if their food was here or not. Something was weird and everyone seemed to be extra fidgety than usual, but Wooyoung had no clue what it was. He didn’t like this. 

“It’s been good. Nothing particular happened, just the usual.” He said casually, “Why did you ask?”

“Just checking in.” Yunho shrugged, “You haven’t talked to us in a while, and you weren’t coming to our dinners. Yeosang said he hasn’t heard from you for weeks.”

“I was busy working.” Wooyoung looked down, the guilt filled up his stomach instantly. He knew he hadn’t been putting the effort into staying in touch with his friends.

“You were busy before, but you never bailed on us then.” Jongho suddenly joined the conversation, “We are worried, you know.”

“I don’t bail on people. Hongjoong hyung doesn’t come to dinner every time either.” Wooyoung frowned, a hint of annoyance in his voice. He might have avoided his friends accidentally, but everything was fine. There was nothing to worry about. He wanted to tell that to his friends, but his voice wouldn’t come out. 

“What Jongho meant was that we’re just glad you are here now.” Seonghwa interfered calmly, “Hongjoong lives with me, so I see him every day. But we don’t see you very often these days.”

“We’re here for you, Wooyoung.” Hongjoong added quietly, “Please don’t forget that.”

“How was dinner?”

Wooyoung looked up and saw San coming towards him, his smile faltered when he saw Wooyoung’s face. 

“It was fine.” He put on a strained smile, but San didn’t buy the lie. 

“You’re upset.” San searched his face, “Do you want to talk about what happened?” 

He sat down and patted the spot next to himself, silently asking Wooyoung to sit down. Wooyoung stared at him, mouth started talking before his brain could stop himself, “I apologized.”

“For what?” San tilted his head, watching him with great attention. 

Wooyoung couldn’t meet his eyes. He stared at his own hands instead, “They said I haven’t been hanging out with them recently.” He paused, “Do you think I was avoiding them?”

“I think, you were just taking your own time.” San said slowly, “I’m sure they understand everybody has their own pace. Now that you feel better, you can start going out with them more often.”

Wooyoung pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to think whether San said that just to make him feel better, or because it was actually true. But then San startled him by holding his hands.

“Come on. Let’s go to bed. You’d feel better when you wake up.” San gently tugged him along and guided them into the bedroom. He took off Wooyoung’s jacket and pushed him onto his bed. He then lay down right next to Wooyoung, just like how they usually slept. 

“But I haven’t taken a shower yet.” 

“......do you want to take a shower now?”

“No.” He groaned. Now that he was on his bed, there was no way he could get up again. 

“You can do that tomorrow then.” San concluded. He started humming a song that sounded somewhat familiar, but Wooyoung couldn’t remember where he heard that from. Figured that he could always ask San later, he buried himself into San’s soft body, drifting off into sleep.

“It’s your turn to take the trash out.”

“I took it out last week.” San answered without even lifting his head up.

San was curled up on the couch, immersed in the drama. Wooyoung was pretty sure the series ended a few weeks ago, and San would never miss out a new episode. Was he rewatching the drama again?

“No, I took the trash out last week. If you have the time to rewatch the drama you should take out the trash. Or at least help around. I’m not the only one living here, you know.”

“What does that even mean.” San was glaring at him now, “I told you I already took the trash out last week, it’s your turn now. And I’m not rewatching anything, this is the new episode.”

He got up and left without a trace, leaving Wooyoung in the cold, empty room. Since when did taking out the trash became such a big deal. He didn’t understand what the problem was, but he did recognize the fear of being alone.

Wooyoung got a text from Seonghwa asking if he wanted to go out and had a drink with him. Desperate to get out of the empty house, Wooyoung took the offer. He got drunk an hour later. 

“You know, I felt like we could have done this with more people.” Seonghwa grunted as he dragged Wooyoung back to his home. He fished out Wooyoung’s keys, finally opened the front door. The living room was pitch black, thankfully he still remembered where the light switch was. He put Wooyoung to bed as gentle as possible and went home.

Wooyoung woke up in the middle of the night and vaguely recalled the memory before he passed out. San still wasn’t home, so he decided to call him. He grabbed his phone from the table and fell onto bed again. A few moments later, the phone call was picked up.

“Hey, Sannie.”

“......Wooyoung.” San answered, but he sounded hesitant. And yet Wooyoung’s eyes lit up when he heard San calling his name, “You picked up.”

“......why wouldn’t I?” 

Wooyoung could hear the little smile in San’s voice. Perhaps San wasn’t as angry as he thought. He cautiously confessed,“I thought you were still angry at me.”

“I don’t think I could ever really get mad at you.” San chuckled softly.

“So you’re not angry?” Wooyoung asked, a small hope rising in his heart. 

“If anything, I think I’m angry at myself more.”

Hearing the regret and sorrow in San’s voice, Wooyoung sat up hastily, “Why’d you be angry at yourself? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Did you really think so?” San sounded so small over the phone, Wooyoung wanted to crawl over and give him a big, warm hug. 

“You’re being too hard on yourself. I’m the one that need to apologize.” He said instead. 

There was a short silence, and then San asked, “Apologize for what?”

Wooyoung pulled the blankets around himself, “Causing trouble for everyone. Made them go out of the way to take care of me.” 

“You know you would do the same for us.” San replied, and tears started streaming down Wooyoung’s cheeks, “Of course we’d do it for you.” 

“Meeting you was the luckiest thing I’ve done in my life.” Wooyoung said with choking sobs, “Don’t know what I would do without you.”

Wooyoung shared a short-lived joy with San in the next few weeks. He let San tried out everything he dreamed about cooking, buying whatever was needed. He also bought that new game San kept whining about and spent two whole days beating the game with him. They watched movies until they couldn’t open their eyes and ended up nodding off on each other’s shoulder.

San was laying on his lap now, his eyes closed, a content smile rested his face, “How I wish we could stay together like this forever.”

Wooyoung suddenly had the urge to cry. 

He cleared his throat, “It’s my birthday tomorrow.”

San opened his eyes and blinked, “I know.” 

“Did you prepare anything for me?” Wooyoung asked, 

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore.” 

And then Wooyoung snapped, “Why are you acting this?” 

Seeing his love breathing and living right in front of him, he should be happy, yet he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Acting like what?” San sat up, there was hurt in his eyes.

“Like you’re still alive!” He cried out. Waving his hands around, he stood up, “I know you’re dead. I know you’re not real. I knew that.”

“You kept saying it wasn’t your birthday yet, and technically a dinner with a few friends wasn’t a party.” Silence filled the room. Wooyoung felt like he would burst into tears any second, “And you said you were going to be late.” 

“I did. Because there was traffic on the road.” San finally replied, but his voice was also shaking. 

“You said you’d be there in a few minutes.”

“I was only a block away. I’m sorry I didn’t make it.” San sounded like he was going to cry now.

“You’re not coming back anymore.”

“No, I’m not.” He bit his lips, the sorrow in his eyes was overwhelming, “But I’m still here, right now.”

“Is there anything else you want to say to me?” San asked.

For a split second, Wooyoung thought about not saying anything, just to see the disappointment in San’s eyes. A revenge to San for making him sad. But he knew that was not how it was supposed to be, and he would never forgive himself if he allowed himself to be this childish.

Instead of doing that, Wooyoung tried to force back his tears, “I don’t know if I can learn to love you less.” 

San gave him the softest smile in the world, “That’s okay. You just need to learn to love the others even more.”

He extended his hands to Wooyoung, and Wooyoung gripped it tightly. Pulling him closer, San planted a light kiss on Wooyoung’s forehead. 

Slowly, Wooyoung lost the hands he was holding.


	2. San ver.

Wooyoung was gone, forever. San saw that happened with his own eyes. So, when a lively Wooyoung started to appear in the house randomly, San knew he was going crazy.

It was surprising how easy it was to adjust himself back to the life when he hadn’t met Wooyoung. Work, family, friends, and whatever entertainment he had on his hands kept him busy from thinking about Wooyoung, which also meant that San had forgot how annoying Wooyoung could be when he wanted to, especially when he felt like he was being ignored. 

“There’s leftover in the fridge, you should finish it before it goes bad.”

“I tried to clean the living room, but I couldn’t move the couch on my own.”

“You should stop scrolling your phone when you’re trying to sleep.”

“Aren’t you gonna do laundry? You’ll run out of clothes, you know.”

Too bad San had made up his mind to ignore this……ghost of Wooyoung. This Wooyoung was not his Wooyoung, not the original one at least. San was pretty sure this Wooyoung was just a hallucination emerging from his brain, because no one else seemed to notice him. Mingi would argue that he was a ghost, and they should try to free him from whatever that was keeping him down in the human world. But Mingi didn’t live here, so this Wooyoung stayed as a hallucination.

“You can’t ignore me forever, you know.”

San gritted his teeth and put down a glass of water heavily. He just woke up. It was too early for this. He hadn’t been keeping track of when Wooyoung usually appeared, but he might have to just so he could start avoiding him. 

“You’re out of milk.” Wooyoung hummed as he peaked into the fridge, and San had to swallow the urge of throwing the glass at him. He took a deep breath and went back into the bedroom to change into proper clothings. He grabbed his bag and headed out, walking pass Wooyoung without giving him a glance.

The rain started pouring the minute San stepped out. He searched his bag, but he couldn’t find his umbrella. He cursed silently, decided to not go back so wouldn’t have to see Wooyoung’s face again.

He came home with a fever.

“You really aren’t good at taking care of yourself.” 

San was lying on the bed, eyes half closed when he heard it. He shifted so he was facing the wall. 

“Did you even go see a doctor?”

“Stop doing that. I know you’re dead.” San blurted out before he could stop himself. Having a headache definitely wasn’t helping the situation.

“Oh, so you finally decide to talk to me.”

San could almost see Wooyoung’s unimpressed face. He buried his face into his pillow, “Just stop.”

“Stop what?”

San vaguely gestured to where he assumed was Wooyoung’s direction.

“You just pointed at all of me.” Wooyoung deadpanned. 

San shrugged, “That’s the idea.”

San heard the bed rustled. Wooyoung lay down next to him. He bit his lips and moved closer to the wall.

“Well, you’re not getting rid of me now. Just go to sleep.”

Sipping the hot chocolate that he made for himself, San asked, “Are you gonna explain why you’re here?” 

Wooyoung shrugged and sprawled across the couch, “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“Right, you’re just my hallucination. You wouldn’t know things that I don’t.” Frustrated, San threw a plushie to the other side of the couch. Immediately regretting, he grabbed it back and settled it on his lap. 

“Look, you keep saying I’m dead, but I don’t feel dead. I don’t feel like a hallucination either.” Wooyoung complained. 

“What are you then?”

“I don’t know.” He pouted, “But I like being with you.”

“Well, I don’t.”

San didn’t really want to go, but he had avoided their meetups too many times now that he was sure if he didn’t show up tonight, Hongjoong would most certainly appear at his front door, possibly accompanied by Seonghwa. 

But it was Jongho who started the topic. He eyed San up and down when San walked into the room, “You need to take better care of yourself, hyung.” 

“Yeah. Yunho was freaking out when you had that fever and almost fainted the other day.” Mingi added, as if anyone would forget what happened.

“I didn’t freak out. I was just worried.” Yunho muttered, “You were the one who wanted to an ambulance.”

Relieved that the bickering had started, and he wasn’t the center of the attention anymore, San retreated and found a seat next to Yeosang.

“You know we would be there for you, right?” Yeosang asked quietly. He pushed a plate full of food to San’s direction, “You don’t have to be alone.”

“Thanks, Yeosang. I know I’m not alone.” San gave a small smile to him, “I couldn’t ask for better friends.”

San was staring blankly at his phone when Wooyoung disturbed the silence. He sat at the end of the bed, arms crossing over his chest.

“It hurts me to see you in pain.”

San pulled up his blanket and wrapped himself in it, “What are you talking about? I’m fine.” 

“Don’t lie to yourself.” A hint of disappointment appeared in Wooyoung’s voice.

San seemed to shrink, “I’m not lying to myself.” 

“Oh, really?” Wooyoung scoffed, “That is not obvious at all.”

“Stop lying to yourself.” His changed to a gentler tone, “It’s going to hurt but you’ll feel better afterwards.”

“……you speak well when you’re not real.”

“……I can’t tell if that’s an insult of a compliment, but either way I’m taking it as a compliment.”

San hadn’t slept for days. It wasn’t that he didn’t sleep at all, he just couldn’t sleep through the night. He dozed off here and there during the day, but he was starting to get really tired. 

“I told you to stop scrolling your phone before you go to bed.”

Normally San would have come up with something to counter that, but he was too exhausted to think properly. He covered his face with his arm, hoping he could at least doze off for a few hours without waking up.

His phone started ringing.

“Well, aren’t you gonna answer it?”

San let out a sign and reached to his phone, and sat up abruptly, “It’s from your number.”

Wooyoung shrugged. San looked down at the screen, with a shaking finger he accepted the call.

“Hey, Sannie.”

San almost skipped a heartbeat, “......Wooyoung.”

“You picked up.” Wooyoung sounded very glad. His voice sounded so real leaving San with a stunned expression.

“......why wouldn’t I?” San asked dumbly. He hated how he was already smiling upon hearing Wooyoung’s voice, even though technically he saw Wooyoung every day. This felt different.

“I thought you were angry at me.” Wooyoung said quietly.

San almost laughed, “I don’t think I could ever really get mad at you.”

“So you’re not angry?” 

“If anything, I think I’m angry at myself more.” San muttered.

“Why’d you be angry at yourself? You didn’t do anything wrong.” The Wooyoung over the phone sounded stressed now.

“Did you really think so?” San was suddenly aware of the tears welling up in his eyes.

“You’re being too hard on yourself. I’m the one that need to apologize.”

San took a few moments to force back his tears, “……apologize for what?”

“Causing trouble for everyone. Made them go out of the way to take care of me.” Wooyoung answered with a small voice.

San replied gently, “You know you would do the same for us. Of course we’d do it for you, too.”

“Meeting you was the luckiest thing I’ve done in my life.” Wooyoung sounded like he was crying now, “Don’t know what I would do without you.”

After the call ended, San turned to Wooyoung who had been sitting silently and said, “That was not you.”

“Nope.”

“Then who was that?” San demanded.

“I don’t know. He sounds a lot like me though.” 

“……I really am going crazy, aren’t I?” San let out a shaky breath, “I’m hallucinating two of you now.” 

“That doesn’t feel like a hallucination.” Wooyoung crossed his arms. San raised an eyebrow, “Really? Coming from you, it doesn’t sound convincing at all.”

“Whatever. I’m not the one who’s seeing hallucinations.”

“Are you still mad at me?” Wooyoung asked.

“For what?” San replied without look up from his phone. Wooyoung huffed, “I thought we already agreed on not lying to yourself.” 

“I never agreed to anything.” 

“Stop being childish.”

San finally looked up, but his eyes were red. “I’m being childish? You are the one who just left and appeared again like it’s nothing!”

“We had a life together.” He cried out, leaving Wooyoung speechless. “And you just left.”

“You said you don’t know what to do without me. Well, I don’t know how I am supposed to live without you either!”

“I can’t even blame you for leaving, because I knew you wanted it more than anyone else.”

“And I get angry at myself for wanting to blame you.”

With tears threatening to fall down, San gripped his plushie. Wooyoung walked over and crouched down, “I’m sorry.” 

San broke down crying. He drew in a breath shakily, “If I touch you, would you disappear?” 

“No.”

So San pulled Wooyoung into a hug. He allowed himself to immerse into the warmth, before Wooyoung gently pulled them apart, “But this is my last time here.”

“I had a feeling that it will be.” San sniffed. “Stay with me until I’m asleep?”

“Of course.”

They climbed onto bed and lay together. They talked for hours until San was finally too drowsy to stay awake. He tugged Wooyoung’s fingers into his own and drifted into sleep, and woke up alone the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanxx for reading till the end.


End file.
